


Character growth

by YvonneSilver



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s09e01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here, Episode: s09e23 Do You Believe in Miracles?, Gen, Season/Series 09
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-16
Updated: 2015-04-16
Packaged: 2018-03-15 08:46:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3440864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YvonneSilver/pseuds/YvonneSilver
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Gadreel went from the coward who would do anything to stay out of Heaven's prison to the angel who sacrificed himself to bring down Metatron.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Character growth

It had been a normal day, insofar as Heaven has days, right up until the moment that it wasn’t. It all happened so fast, and before Gadreel realized what was happening the world around him disappeared and suddenly he was falling. There was a long way to fall, but he knew the impact would come in the end. His self-protective reflexes had been honed for centuries, and even as he soared downwards he rolled up tight and wrapped his wings around himself.

Although he was prepared, he was not ready. The pain slammed through him, tearing into him like never before, not even on his darkest days in Heaven’s prison. But his grace was scarred already and he knew how to rearrange the parts of himself that don’t hurt so that he could function. He was one of the first angels back on his feet, though he didn’t know it at the time.

Even so, he hardly dared to look around, because he already knew where he would have landed. Hell. The demons had finally clawed down the gates and dragged him down to where he ultimately belonged. One mistake but it would always come crashing down on him, or so he thought in his despair.

That’s when he realized - nothing was crashing down on him this time. He still ached from the fall, but there was no fresh pain. As he took in his surroundings, he suddenly realized where he was. This wasn’t Hell, it was Earth. He was free.

He realized he should feel relieved, but instead, fear clawed at him with more strength than before. Earth, the place of sin, of his sin. Thousands of years ago, he had let the serpent into Eden and condemned this place to sin. There would certainly be no safe haven for him here. What if someone found him down here? He needed a place to hide, right now.

 

Gadreel fled into the nearest building. He needed a vessel. Without something to contain him, he’d be like a beacon to every angel out there, no matter the surroundings. Gadreel searched around doubtfully. He wasn’t even sure he would be able to find an angels vessel in a corrupted place like this, but he’d have to try.

Inside the dark bar he’d entered, there was only one human. Gadreel reached out tentatively, unsure of how this process worked. It had been centuries since he had been on earth, and it had been a purer place back then. To his own surprise, Gadreel found his instincts still work, and he made contact easily. The man hesitated for a moment, but then spoke a clear, resounding ‘Yes.”.

Shocked at how easy it had been, Gadreel took root in his new vessel. The human’s body was confining, but also felt a lot safer than being out in the open. Humans weren’t as fragile as he’d imagined they’d be, and his form held Gadreel’s wounded essence together well. He was more at ease than he expected to be, now that he was no longer out in the open. And possession wasn’t as hard as Gadreel thought. In fact, it came pretty natural to him. He was already in control of the basic motor functions, though it was all still a little unnatural, so he started looking into memories. He was afraid of what he’d find out about this poor world, but he’d need basic information to hide out here for a while.

 

He decided he should start at the beginning, find a name. From inside, a voice that’s not his own said “Michael.” The name tasted like bile in his throat. It was the last word he’d said as a free angel, fallen to his knees, begging for forgiveness before Michael plunged his sword into Gadreel’s wing and dragged him up to heaven. The memory was almost enough to make him leave the vessel and run, but at the last moment he managed to pull himself together. He couldn’t risk being out in the open. The angels.

At that moment, a piercing sound filled his ears. It took Gadreel a moment before he recognized angel radio from inside his human vessel, unprepared for it since he’d tuned it out to save energy after the fall. But this prayer was directed right at the angels specifically and strong enough to break through.

"This is Dean Winchester." A voice intoned. Gadreel perked up. He knew that name, he knew that voice. This was the man that fought for the world during Armageddon, the man that fights against angels and wins. By the time he’d finished talking, Gadreel had long made up his mind. Whatever he asked, Gadreel was going to find this man and bind himself to him. He could use a favor from a powerful ally.

 

* * *

 

Gadreel had been surprised by Dean's request, but at least it wasn't something beyond his capabilities. The question was; how would he convince Dean to help him after he'd served his purpose? The angel knew how stubborn the Winchester was. There was a reason he was Michael's chosen vessel. If he was as uncompromising as Michael, it would be hard to convince him to protect an angel. Yet there was one person Dean would do anything for.

Gadreel looked down at the unconscious person in front of him. He shuddered. If there was one person who Gadreel had wanted to avoid at all costs, it would have been Sam Winchester. Lucifer's chosen vessel. Lucifer, the cunning master of deception and deceit. Long ago, Gadreel had fallen under the spell his words weaved, and he'd paid the price. If the vessel was anything like the angel, Gadreel should stay as far away from him as possible. And what he'd heard in his prison hadn't helped to change his view.

He'd heard that Sam Winchester was the one who had been singled out by Azazel to open the gates of Hell. The man who had unholy powers fuelled by demon blood. The man who had almost brought about Armageddon on earth. Yes, Gadreel knew how dangerous the younger Winchester was. But if he wanted the older brother's protection, he would have to move past his fear.

Sam Winchester was the only person Dean would protect with his life. If Gadreel could bind himself to the younger Winchester, the cooperation of the older one was guaranteed. He sighed deeply. There was no other way. He would do whatever it took to stay out of Heaven's prison.

 

* * *

 

During his time in Sam's body, Gadreel started to sift through some of the man's memories. He knew it was unusual for an angel to go through its vessel’s thoughts, but besides the snippets of angel radio he'd picked up on in prison, this was his only source of information of what happened since, well, since the beginning of man. He had to be careful not to stir up too many old thoughts, lest Sam realize something was poking around in his head, but Gadreel needed to know what had become of humanity since his fatal mistake. This worked best while Sam was asleep, since the angel required no such rest. So for a couple of hours each night, Gadreel ran through Sam’s memories in his dreams, before letting the hunter catch his rest. If Dean noticed how uneasily Sam slept, he didn't say anything.

That night, Gadreel gathered his courage to access some of Sam’s more firmly stored-away memories. He’d found a door in Sam’s mind, behind which was a presence he hadn’t expected to find. There were angelic memories in here already.

Gadreel wouldn’t admit it to anyone but himself, but he was afraid. This was the kind of information he’d been looking for, but it was also the information he feared. He needed to know what had happened to heaven, to the angels. He needed to know what had happened on earth. But part of him hoped to remain hidden forever, wished to forget what his kind has wrought here on earth and to dismiss his own part in it. He’d already seen the consequences of knowledge once before. Still, curiosity tempted him once again, and as Sam drifted off into sleep, Gadreel opened the door into his dreams.

The memories were drenched in an overpowering angelic presence. It was a presence Gadreel recognized instinctively even before he saw who it was. Lucifer. That night Sam slept especially uneasy as Gadreel followed his dealings with the fallen archangel. What he saw surprised him. He had known the Winchesters had played an important role in the apocalypse, that much he had gathered from angel radio. But the angels had spoken mostly of Dean Winchester, and hardly of Sam. When they had spoken of the younger brother, it was always with distaste, with rejection, with anger. Sure, they were angry with Dean too, but there was always a sense of pride in him as well. He was their champion, Sam was their adversary.

This was not what Gadreel saw in Sam’s memories. He watched with amazement as the history folded out in front of him. He felt Sam’s anger, and his restraint, with each dealing with the archangel. ‘He tempted you,’ he thought to Sam, knowing the exact origin of his words would be lost on Sam through the haze of sleep, ‘first with acceptance, then with revenge, and lastly with power. And you fought him, every step of the way, you brave human.’ He allowed Sam to recall how he finally confronted Lucifer, watched as Sam made the ultimate sacrifice to fight the devil, but that’s where he cut the memory short. He’d already experienced Heaven’s prison; he didn’t need to see Hell’s.

What surprised the angel most, as he shut the door to Sam’s memories of Lucifer, is how Sam remembered them. This man had given everything for humanity’s safety, stood up to an archangel against all odds, but locked those memories away like they brought him the greatest shame. ‘This is not a villain's story Sam,’ Gadreel thought. ‘This is a story of heroism.’ He made his way through the hunters mind and found a pleasant memory to put into Sam’s dreams while he retreated into his own thoughts.

The angel’s thoughts were in turmoil. When he took this vessel, he thought he was sharing mindspace with an abomination so that he might benefit from the protection of Dean, heaven’s chosen vessel. Now it turned out he had chosen to hide behind one of humanities greatest protectors. A man who had sacrificed himself for humanity and did so without any wish for recognition. This vessel wasn’t meant for cowering. It was meant for redemption. ‘I will make amends. I will prove myself once more.’ Gadreel thought. ‘I will be worthy of you.’

 

* * *

 

He had been so sure, when Metatron offered to make him second in command, that this was how he would prove himself a hero once more. He had leapt at the chance to come out of the shadows and work for heaven again. Even when Gadreel sent him to kill his fellow angels, he'd been certain that such violence was necessary, and that afterwards he would be able to rebuild Heaven as it was meant to be.

Instead, Metatron had tricked and betrayed him, just like Lucifer had so many centuries ago. Gadreel was back in the one place he’d sworn he’d never return – Heaven’s prison. The panic that had seized him initially had already subsided, and he slumped against the far wall. He heard Castiel pacing in the cell next to him, and thought about his fellow angel. Another one who had fallen out of Heaven's grace, and was doing whatever it took to win his home back.

Except, Gadreel realised, that was not why he was doing it. Castiel had already been a respected angel, leader of his own garrison. There had been nothing to prove when all of this started. Yet he’d cast aside the standing he already had without a second thought when he believed Heaven’s mission was compromised. He’d been prepared to stand up to his fellow angels to protect the humans in his charge. Castiel believed in a mission in a way Gadreel never had. Gadreel had only wanted to clear his own name, when there were far more important things on the line.

His thoughts went unwilling to his previous vessel. Sam Winchester, who had put his trust in the wrong being, and brought about something that was never meant to be. Who had fought tooth and nail to correct his mistakes. Who, when all else failed, had been prepared to sacrifice everything to right his wrongs. He didn't do it to redeem himself. He did it because it was the right thing to do.

Could Gadreel really do anything less? His eye fell on a sharp piece of rock by the prison bars. Suddenly the angel knew what he had to do. There had never been any other way. He began to carve the sigil. Somehow he had always known he would die in this very cell. But now he would make sure his death meant something. Maybe with his sacrifice, Metatron could be stopped. Perhaps he would no longer be kown as the one who let the serpent in, but as one of the many who gave heaven a second chance. Maybe this way, he would finally be redeemed.

 


End file.
